a new beginning

This is Karen again. A couple of weeks ago today we had church at our house so Brad could be present. It was a lovely service with 20something people sitting in our living room singing songs about the loving God we all serve. Brad was at the back of the room in his hospital bed, so sick he couldn't get up. Roland talked about how very much God loves us ~ more than we ever understand, more than we usually believe He COULD love us. There was a lot of love in that room that day. And peace along with the pain.
Late Sunday night, Brad said that he was ready to go to the hospital because he felt that the nurses and doctors working together could make his pain and other symptoms more bearable than we were able to do at home. He was admitted into Holy Spirit Northside Hospital (how appropriate was that~ being in a hospital named after the Comforter?) where we stayed till Thursday night. Brad was getting sicker and sicker and by Wednesday night he was in a coma but still holding on. He was very strong willed and he wasn't yet willing to let go of his dream of working with Roland to get NewStart Rivercity Church of the Nazarene launched and watching God work in people's lives there. On Thursday night I fell asleep beside his bed for a few minutes and when I woke up at shortly after 11pm he wasn't breathing anymore. That was scary for me until I talked to my best friend who was a special sister-friend to Brad. This is the story she told me.

"As I was driving home from work around 11pm, I remembered the time Brad had prayed for me one night while he was in a prayer time at his church in Dallas. God had given him a verse that spoke of His comfort and love, and Brad had prayed that the Holy Spirit would, right at that moment, give me that verse in Australia. He prayed that the Holy Spirit would embrace me & help me experience the fullness of his hope and peace, and right at that moment I did - I was reading my bible at that exact time, and as I came across those verses they jumped out at me & really made a difference to the way I saw the circumstances in my life at that time.

As I was driving last Thursday night, I found myself crying as I remembered that moment in time. I so badly wanted to intercede on Brad's behalf that night and "repay the favor" - to ask God to bring Brad something he couldn't find for himself.

So I prayed: "Father, please be tonight the Abba Daddy Brad always promised me you were. He is in such a difficult place - I think he needs you to take the first steps" [Brad had preached a couple of weeks earlier about the return of the prodigal son & I was reminded again that day how thoroughly transparent God is in His love for us and how consistently willing He is to make the first move when we are too afraid]. I imagined the Father walking out onto a dirt road lined with beautiful old trees. As He began His journey, I imagined the excitement in His heart at welcoming Brad home. I then imagined Brad in the hospital bed, struggling to breathe, and in my heart I whispered to him to look up - his Abba Daddy was standing right there. I prayed that the Father would give Brad the strength to take one last deep breath, and as he exhaled I prayed he would fall into the embrace of his Abba daddy's open arms. And in my mind that is just what Brad did - looked up, saw his Father standing on the dirt road ahead of him, felt the freshness of the breeze on his face from the trees lining the road ... smiled, and at once felt his heart begin to flood with peace & assurance ... and as he took one last deep breath, he fell safely into the Father's arms with no hesitation or fear at all.

I believe that Brad's Abba daddy took the first steps out onto the road and caught him as he fell headlong into Him "

I'm convinced Emmy is right. The God that Brad loved and served with such passion would want to welcome His son into Heaven, would show him around and enjoy watching Brad's excited meetings with Paula (Brad's little sister) and C.S. Lewis and Mahalia Jackson and all the other folks Brad was looking forward to seeing. And while I'm missing him here, now, this is temporary... the Comforter is with us. Life is still good. God is still God. Love is always enough to carry us through.

the goal worth living for

Today's blog is written by Karen instead of Brad. Brad's been too sick to update the blog lately.

Physically, Brad's wearing down. While he can still eat and drink and can walk on his own with a cane, it takes a lot of effort and tires him out. He is nauseated often and in some pain a good deal of the time. He's homebound and only moves slowly around the apartment. The hospice nurses were able to help us get a hospital bed here so that Brad can sleep more comfortably. They've helped us get prescriptions for more effective pain and nausea meds. They've offered us counselling and friendship and help.

Friends have phoned from around the world to tell us they love us and are praying for us.
Family and friends email us daily to tell Brad about the influence he's had on their lives... and that they love us and are praying for us. People I work with and people our kids go to school with are telling us daily that they love us and are praying for us. We are completely surrounded by the prayers and goodwill of loved ones.

So, in spite of physical weakness... in spite of the deterioriation of Brad's body... even though
our most heartfelt prayer hasn't been answered yes YET..........
we are hopeful. Hopeful that God is waiting... waiting... waiting... till there's no confusion that it's His handiwork and then Brad will be healed. Hopeful that Brad can still make a difference in people's lives even while he's sick nearly to death. Hopeful that the love God planted in Brad and allowed Brad to share so widely through his writings ~ that love would continue to spread and change peoples lives. That's the dream that we're working toward. That we can show the folks around us that have no hope, that are nearly to the point of giving up that somebody loves them completely, unconditionally, no matter what they've done. That we can help them believe again that they are valued and valueable.

That's a goal worth living for.